Family Relations
by Shadows On A Love-Struck Soul
Summary: Merlin's recovery means that Kathie & Arthur are left uncomfortable and Merlin has a lot of explaining to do! plz review my last chpter, thanks guys! xx
1. Arrival

Arthur was bored. He leaned his head on his hand and looked at the floor. How many more people would he have to pretend to listen to and pretend to care about? He couldn't help his mind wandering to the maid who had skipped into his room this morning. 'Where is Merlin?' He had asked.

'He's injured. He was taking your horse out onto the field and it bolted; knocked him straight over and caught his chest with both the horse's front and back hooves,' she replied a little quietly 'I am filling in for him until he is better,' before continuing with her tasks.

'And your name is…?'

'Kathie,' she answered brightly. 'I'm Merlin's sister.'

Arthur nodded, pulled on his brown leather jacket and left his chambers.

As Arthur was thinking of her, she danced into the hall, Arthur looked at her closely. She had pale, pale white skin; it glistened magically underneath the cotton of her dark, emerald green dress. She had dark, raven black hair like Merlin, and sparkling, deep blue eyes, like Merlin. Everything about her was like Merlin, but, where Merlin carried it off with a goofy cuteness which made everybody think he was innocent, she emitted freedom and spirit in the way she moved and the way she smiled, but she seemed self-conscious and shy in the way she kept her head down and fiddled with her fingers.

Kathie flitted across the room to Morgana and whispered something in her ear; as more words spilled from her lips, Morgana's frown grew more pronounced. She replied in rapid whispers to which Kathie nodded and flitted out of the room again, like a breeze.

After an extremely dull morning, Arthur wanted to see how Merlin was. He gently pushed open the door to Gaius' chambers and peered in to see Merlin lying where he had been when he was poisoned, he had bandages round his chest and a girl next to him. Arthur could see her talking to him; hear the murmured words of both of them. But, suddenly, Kathie stopped. She turned to the doorway and then got up and walked into Merlin's room at the back of Gaius' chambers.

Merlin tried to sit up and see Arthur, but it strained his chest so he just lifted his head and grinned.

'What have you gone and done now?' Arthur asked incredulously. He already knew of course but didn't want Merlin to think that he talked about him behind his back.

'It's nothing,' Merlin said, stoically; he heaved a sigh, and as his ribs rose and the air went in, his face grimaced, and then tried to hide it.

He did not.

'I see you've met my sister?' he asked, cautiously for some reason.

Arthur nodded. 'She's so nice, she's friendly and lively, I can see that you're related.'

Merlin laughed hollowly and turned his head to look at the closed door. 'She's had a hard time,' he reflected, sadly and quietly, but loud enough for Arthur to hear every word. 'She hasn't seen her father in years, not since she was four, but just recently she's found him. And I know he is happy to know she is fine and well. He told me, he said that, whatever else had happened; she made it all worthwhile. And he really wanted her to know that. And as for her; well, Kathie couldn't be happier. Her eyes shine and she smiles and looks so beautiful.' Merlin couldn't help adding in his head; _just like her mother. _

'So, she's not you full sister? Your father's dead,' Arthur reminded him, blankly. He was never one to be subtle or sensitive.

Merlin nodded.

'And where was she when we went to your village? You didn't introduce me,'

Merlin shrugged; 'She wasn't there, my mother sent her away from the village as soon as the trouble started; she was only fourteen then,'

'And now she's...?'

'Fifteen,' Merlin supplied.

'But, Merlin,' Arthur continued, probing his servant. 'I don't understand why you never mentioned her; you've been here for nearly a year now and never a word about your little sister-'

'Nobody mentions me,' Kathie said, rather darkly, from where she stood, framed in the doorway. She stared hard at Merlin for a second while she continued talking to Arthur; 'I am never mentioned, never brought into conversation, never noticed. That's the way it is. That's the way it always has been.'

'Excuse me?'

'I don't mind.' She perked up in a second, switching from dark and thunderous clouds to a bright and beautiful sunny day. 'I prefer not to be noticed. I prefer to walk in the shadows,'

'Really?'

She nodded.

'Kathie?' Kathie turned her attention to Merlin. 'Could you bring me a pillow from my bed please?' Kathie turned and went to fetch said pillow. 'You have to go now,' Merlin whispered. I need to talk to her alone for a minute.'

Arthur nodded, then bent down to wipe Merlin's brow free of sweat, and kissed it lightly, before turning and leaving.

Kathie came back into the room just as Arthur let the door swing shut behind him, she turned on Merlin flung the pillow at him. 'Father,' she said numbly. 'tell me everything, now,'


	2. Exaplanation

Now, the thing our audience must understand before we can continue is that some of Merlin's magic; the core of his existence, had passed into his daughter. But Kathie used it in a different way; instead of using spells and enchantments, she forced the power back into herself and it channelled out as extremely good hearing and empathy. This meant that she could hear conversations going on as far off as the other side of the castle.

It also meant that once she could fully empathise with a person in their darkest hour, she could unlock a doorway into their thoughts as well and hear them, like they were speech.

However, there were several signs of her magic that she couldn't control. Where Merlin's eyes flashed gold when he was casting a spell, hers flashed whenever she was feeling acute emotion; whether it be joy, hatred, passion or fear.

As she turned to her father now, her eyes didn't fully make the flash, but they warmed, slightly, glowing with her annoyance. Merlin heaved himself up a little and stuffed the pillow down his back to prop himself up a little. 'What do you want to know?' He asked, calmly.

'Why I have to pretend to be your sister? Why you told Arthur all that stuff about my father when you know perfectly well that is was all lies?'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean that me being fine and happy doesn't make everything fine. It doesn't change the fact that you are lying about who you are and who I am. It doesn't change the fact that my mother is dead,' Merlin winced. 'and my father is pretending to be my brother.' Kathie took a deep breath before speaking and when her voice came out it was dark, cold and riddled with tears; 'and it doesn't change the fact that my father doesn't want me here,'

Merlin shook his head. 'That's not true.' He said, because he couldn't say anything else. He found it hard to talk about feelings with anyone, never mind the daughter he pretended he hadn't had for eleven years.

'Yes it is!' she answered harshly, and now her eyes flashed, and glittered, just for a second. 'Please, please, Father, explain this to me. Explain why I am here and doing these things for you.'

Merlin took in a deep breath and again felt a twinge of pain in his ribs. 'Look, you are my daughter, and I love you. But you are here, and while you are here, you are my sister. If I told people you were my fifteen year old daughter they would know instantly that I was a warlock. I couldn't have had a child at about seven years of age. And nobody must know because Uther would have me beheaded in a second, the same thing applies to you. So you can't get too excited or too angry and let it slip. You have to have control of yourself from the second you walk out of that door every day.' Merlin instructed, seriously, while nodding towards the exit of Gaius' chambers. 'I've only just got you back, I can't lose you again. And the reason you might feel that I don't want you here is simple. You remind me of your mother,' Merlin's face lit up, his eyes shined and his smile glittered. But, behind all that light; there were tears building up and threatening to break loose down his cheeks. 'and I can't bear to think of her because if I do, I'll shut down, I'll break in two, I'll break my heart.' Kathie reached out and wiped away the one tear that fell.

She nodded and bent to kiss her father on the cheek. As she did so, it reminded her of the one final thing she had forgotten to ask Merlin, the thing she had seen from the doorway, Arthur, bending down. Arthur wiping the sweat so carefully from his brow. Arthur closing his eyes and kissing it tenderly. 'Oh, one more thing, if you don't mind?' Merlin nodded. 'What is going on between you and Arthur? I mean, I saw him… you know,' she finished lamely.

Merlin only chuckled and shook his head. 'Ill tell you later; now go before you are missed. Besides; I thought you were supposed to be the one to read people like an open book?'

Kathie smiled and her eyes shone. Merlin felt a pang in his chest, each flash made him uneasy that someone would see and guess what she was. 'I can, but only once I understand what they are feeling. You see Father, you are safe for now, but as soon as I have cracked either you, or Arthur, or both, you won't ever have a secret from your daughter again.'

And with that, Kathie danced out of the room, and headed to Arthur's chambers.


	3. Kathie's Freedom

A week passed and Arthur was at Merlin's bedside everyday telling his about everything that was going on, but he was getting confused. He didn't know if he went for Merlin or Kathie anymore. Merlin's face would light up whenever Arthur was there and they would talk and laugh. Arthur would stroke his cheek and ruffle his hair and kiss his forehead, as he had on the first day. But sometimes Kathie would join them while they told jokes and played games.

They were silly games, about trivial things but they were just the thing to liven the spirits of everybody and make Merlin feel like he wasn't missing much.

But when Kathie laughed, she would brighten the room. When she came to his chambers to clear his things he got uncomfortably hot around the collar and found he couldn't stop looking at her.

Today was Kathie's day, her day of no work, her day of freedom. She sat with her father for a while in the morning while the weather was dull and overcast. But when the afternoon came it brought clear, opalescent blue skies and a sun so yellow and light and warm that Kathie gazed out of the windows and couldn't help wishing she was out in the glorious sunshine.

Merlin was pale, his cheeks were hollowed and he had dark, bruise-like circles under his eyes, the wound in his chest had become infected and Gaius said there was nothing to be done but wait. When he saw his young, vibrant daughter staring at the sunny windows he took both of her hands and looked into her face. 'Take me outside,' he said simply.

Kathie smiled her delight and collected numerous rugs and blankets before gently helping her father to stand. He was young, Kathie thought, he shouldn't look this old and tired, something was wrong. She didn't say any of this however; she let Merlin lean on her arm and walked him out of the castle. He had no shirt on, just his numerous bandages. He shivered in the sunshine.

Together, they walked to the edge of the city and then out of the walls, into the open field. There was a canal, deep, wide, and slow moving. Kathie took her father to it laid down a rug for him to sit on, she then wrapped more around his trembling body.

Kathie sat next to him for a while until he turned to her. He couldn't see her sacrifice her youth for him, she had to live it and love it because it ended all too soon. 'Run,' he told her.

She frowned her answer.

'Run, I mean it, run through the field, hold the grass in your fingers, feel the sun warm your face, watch the wind dance with your hair. Do it, for me. I don't want to die without seeing you live first.' He said, sincerely.

She shook her head; 'You're not going to die,' she replied, threateningly. 'I won't let you die, I've just found you and I'm not letting you go again.'

'Go' Merlin whispered, his word caught the breeze and drifted away, he didn't even know if Kathie heard it.

But she did go. She ran through the fresh, full, greed grass of the field, feeling it tickle her legs. She cart wheeled again and again getting faster and faster, one toppling straight into the next, they were clumsy, and hesitant and perfect. Kathie was quite far away from Merlin now and facing the other way so she didn't see Arthur join Merlin and slip his arm round his shoulders.

She heard him. 'What is she doing?' Arthur asked.

Kathie grinned to herself, spread her arms wide and spun round and round in a circle, with her head thrown back.

'She's being Kathie,' Merlin replied, 'and I love her for it'

Merlin rested his head on Arthur's shoulder and close his eyes. 'I could just stay here forever with this weather,' Arthur said.

'I know what you mean,' Merlin mumbled, with his eyes still closed. 'Kathie, come back,' he continued. Arthur didn't see why Merlin had said it, Kathie was so far away she was a stick in the distance, but she did turn round and run back towards them, throwing in the occasional cart wheel for good measure.

'Right,' she said, brightly while getting her breath back, 'if you two would mind distracting yourselves for a minute, I am going into that canal.' She jogged to a tree, wide enough for her to get changed behind and quickly disposed of her clothes.

Arthur laid down on his back, he pulled Merlin back with him and they looked at the clouds. While Kathie was slipping into the water and getting started swimming up and down she thought about all the things she had heard over the past week, the things she shouldn't have.

'I love you, you know,' Arthur said that a lot, but only to Merlin.

'Don't leave me,' Merlin asked that all the time, he always sounded so desperate.

'We are going to get through this,'

'I am not letting go of you now,'

'You'll come back tomorrow? Please?'

'Of course Merlin, I'll always come back,'

All of these things, Kathie was only beginning to understand how much those two loved each other. How much Merlin felt guilty for not being able to look after Arthur as he usually did. How much Arthur wished Merlin would get well so he didn't have to worry about him all of the time. They loved each other more than anything or anyone else.

And then it happened. Merlin's voice rang though her head and she knew she had finally got access to her father's thoughts. 'I'm not going to get through this. I know it, he knows it too, deep down. I don't want to hurt him anymore than I have to. But I love him so much I can't leave him, I can't say goodbye,'

Kathie shook her head.

Soon, Arthur joined her in the water. He slipped in when she wasn't looking, swam up behind her and splashed her hair. Kathie screamed. Merlin was sat cross-legged, wrapped in blankets and laughing so much he nearly fell backwards. When Kathie turned round there was some blonde hair grinning at her and she had to work hard to suppress the urge to dunk his stupid blonde head right into the water. She splashed him back instead, in the face.

Arthur had to screw up his face and shake the water out of his hair. He missed a bit, a droplet of water hanging from the end of his nose, Kathie couldn't take her eyes off it. They stayed there for hours, playing in the water until; 'I can't stay out her much longer, I was shaking in the sun never mind the moonlight,' drifted into Kathie's head and she looked round quickly to see Merlin trembling worse than ever on the bank.

'I'm getting out,' she said abruptly. Look away both of you,' She climbed out of the water, dressed behind the tree and wrung out her hair. 'Arthur, come on, Merlin will catch his death of he is out her for much longer,' she urged and Arthur all but flew out of the canal and into his clothes. He was at Merlin's side in a flash and, together, they took Merlin back to the warm fireplace of Gaius' chambers.


	4. A Hard Decision

'Kathie?' Gaius called her softly from across the hall, she turned, smiling and came over. 'Can you take a message to Arthur for me?' Kathie nodded. 'Tell Arthur that I have found a remedy. It could give Merlin enough strength to help him fight the infection, but it could make him too weak to breathe. I don't know which until he takes it. Merlin is in no fit state to decide whether to take it or not so I am passing the choice to him. If he wants me to give Merlin the remedy then he must come and see me straight away, because the remedy requires him to go and get the last ingredient' Kathie nodded. 'Can you remember all that?' Kathie nodded but still didn't meet Gaius' eyes. Truth be told, she was a little scared of Gaius; he was old, wise, stern and commanding.

Kathie scuttled off to Arthur's chambers and delivered the message, with each word Arthur's eyes grew wider and wider as he began to understand the choice he had to make. He nodded and then ran from the room, through the castle to Merlin's bedside. He was even paler, if that were possible. He was also sleeping, so Arthur didn't wake him. Kathie came, panting, into the room having just followed Arthur through the whole castle as fast as her young legs could carry her.

'I don't know what to do,' Arthur said to the room.

'Well, you could always leave it until the last minute,'

Arthur looked up, confused.

'Go and get whatever Gaius needs, wait until the remedy is ready and at the last minute you can ask Gaius if he thinks Merlin will get over this without any help, if Gaius thinks he might then don't risk it. If Gaius says he has no chance then you have nothing to lose, have you?'

'That's genius!' Arthur shouted, before resorting back to a whisper, remembering that Merlin was asleep. 'Gaius? Where do I need to go and what do I need to get?'

'It's in the forest in Ealdor,' Gaius said, 'the catch is that the herb must be plucked from the ground at exactly midnight.'

'How will I know?'

Gaius thought hard for a minute but had no idea.

'I'll know.' Kathie mumbled from the corner where she had been standing, trying to be invisible. 'Midnight is the exact time that the wolves in the forest outside Ealdor cry to the moon,'

'Ealdor is more than a day's riding away,' Arthur reminded her. 'We wouldn't get there tonight,'

Kathie squared her shoulders and her defiant face slid over her eyes and lips.

'I'll take you there today, we will get there by midnight and you will hear them, then we can get whatever Gaius needs.

'Even if it was true, how could you find the herb in the dark?' Arthur protested.

'We'll see,' she smiled and flitted into the back bedroom which was hers while Merlin slept in the main chamber.

'Right, of we are going to get to Ealdor by tonight, we have to set off now, we are going to have to ride fast,' Arthur said. 'Kathie?' Kathie's freckled features appeared from behind the door. 'I need you to saddle up both of our horses, as soon as possible,' she nodded and went behind the door again. 'The stables aren't in your bed chamber,' Arthur called.

Kathie just laughed.

Arthur was stood by the stabled for five minutes and still no Kathie, so he huffed a little before going to saddle up his own horse. When he had finished Kathie still wasn't there so he saddled up her horse as well and stood waiting.

Kathie was saying goodbye to her Father. 'I don't want you to go,' Merlin said. _I don't want either of you to go_ drifted through her mind.

'Father, I'll be fine, I can ride, I can look after myself and I'll have Arthur.' She reassured him, kindly. 'I'll look after him too,' she added as an after thought, along with a smile and a gentle hug. Kathie held onto her father with all her might and scrunched up her eyes. Merlin could hardly lift his arms to press them into her back. 'Now, don't you go running of on an adventure while we are gone,' she warned. Stay here, stay warm, and look after yourself. You are your first priority until we get back to look after you tomorrow morning.'

Merlin flashed a smile and Kathie left.

Arthur was about to go and find Kathie when she appeared from around the stables. At first he couldn't recognise her. She was in a white shirt and _trousers_. Women never wore trousers! He tried not to stare for long and soon they were both on their respective horses. No sooner were they out of the Castle walls than Kathie had called across to Arthur; 'I bet I can go faster then you,'.

They both urged their steeds to pick up the pace and soon they were galloping. Kathie bent low over the neck of her horse, urging him onwards. Arthur let himself fall behind to see Kathie's silhouette in the sunlight. She was beautiful.

The sun soon went down, leaving them in the dark and the pale moonlight, but they kept going urging and willing the horses to keep going; the race had faded away hours ago so now they just had to get to Ealdor by midnight.

As they walked through the trees they found the clearing Gaius had told them held the stone he needed. Neither of them quite understood how a stone could be in a remedy but they didn't question Gaius. They sat in the clearing for about ten minutes in silence; Arthur leaned against a tree and played with some grass. Kathie sat a bit farther off and saw nothing. She thought a bit more about Arthur.

He had to choose between letting Merlin battle this infection on his own and possibly letting him die or giving him this remedy which could or could not kill him. Nobody should be given such a choice, it wasn't fair. Also, if Gaius said that Merlin was going to die without this remedy then he had the choice between taking Merlin's life now, while he wasn't in too much pain but before he had been able to express all that he felt for Merlin, or letting Merlin's life drag on and on, letting him get thinner and thinner, weaker and weaker, until everything hurt a lot more to say goodbye but he had said everything he needed to say.

_Merlin trusts me to make the right decision but I can't. It's too hard, I'm not strong or brave or clever enough to know what is right, I still have to be told. I can't do this, I can't do this. _Kathie's head snapped up suddenly as she heard the words drift into her head; in Arthur's voice. But Arthur hadn't moved, hadn't spoken a word. Finally she had access to his thoughts, finally she could understand what was going in that head of his. She grinned, he frowned at her. _What's she grinning at? There is nothing remotely funny, we are here to get the ingredients for a potion that could kill her brother. _

Suddenly, there was the most magnificent howling, it was musical and melodic and beautiful. Arthur just stared at the moon in surprise and relief. It had worked. Kathie had enough wits about her to snatch the stone from the ground and fasten it into the bag on her saddle. They had what they needed. Good.

The next morning Kathie and Arthur arrived back in Camelot and hurried up to Gaius' rooms. Kathie went straight to Gaius to give him the stone and ask him what was going to happen. Arthur dropped the bag from his shoulder as soon as he was in the door and went to Merlin's side. He brushed the hair out of Merlin's eyes and whispered; 'I'm here, I'm back Merlin. I told you I'd come back.' Merlin opened his eyes and smiled.

'You promised,' Merlin reminded him.

'Yes' Arthur replied, 'I promised and I kept my promise. I've come back to you, and I'm not leaving for a long, long time,'

'Prince Arthur?' Gaius called him over and Kathie replaced him. Merlin looked hard at Kathie's left ear, just away from her face so he didn't have to see her properly. He had been dreaming a lot lately; of Kathie's mother.

'Father?' Kathie whispered, conscious of Arthur being so near. 'Father, you're not looking at me again. I thought you'd got over this, I thought everything was alright between us now.'

'Sorry. It's just…nothing,' he said. 'What are you, Arthur and Gaius planning in that corner?' he nodded over to the two conversing men.

'Nothing you need to concern yourself with at the moment,' she forced a smile because the reply she wanted to give was screaming in her head. _We are trying to decide whether to kill you now or later._

Arthur suddenly rushed to the back room and slammed the door. Merlin's eyes followed him; Kathie's eyes followed Merlin. 'Ill be back in a minute,' Kathie murmured and slipped into the back room too.

Arthur was pushing the top of his head into the stone wall and pulling and tugging at his hair. He heard Kathie come in but didn't turn round. 'How can they ask this of me? How can Merlin expect this of me when he knows how much care about him? How would he feel if it was me lying in that bed with weight dropping off me like water from a tap; with the dark circles under my eyes making me look more and more like the un-dead? What would he do if it was me and he had to decide between letting me die and trying to help me when that could cause me to die quicker and far more painfully? They think I can do this; they trust my judgement. But I don't. I can't trust my judgement because I always trust Merlin's, I rely on him and now he is relying on me and I can't return the favour. It's too hard,'

Kathie moved over to him and rubbed his shoulders. 'Arthur? Listen to me, don't talk, just listen. Gaius told me that if we do nothing Merlin is going to die, slowly. You can't lose by giving Merlin the antidote; if you don't he'll die anyway. If you do, he might, _might_, survive. Give him the antidote, give it to him now, Uther doesn't need you for anything until Monday morning. That gives you all today and all tomorrow to spend with Merlin, your love and care will only make the remedy stronger. Give it to him now; you can't lose,'

Arthur spun to face her; 'How can you say that I won't lose anything? I'll lose him! I'll lose Merlin! The only thing that matters to me could die and you think I'll lose nothing!' Kathie felt a sharp stab of numbing fear at the look on his face and the pain in his heart. Her eyes flashed and she had to pray that Arthur didn't see.

Now Arthur was in tears. A few fell onto his cheeks, but he looked blankly and darkly at his own hands. They stayed there in silence for a long time until Arthur moved. He looked at Kathie who was already looking back at him, wondering if he had made up his mind.

He nodded. 'It's time,' he said quietly.


	5. A Goodbye Before it's Time

Merlin had been dreaming; a glorious dream with colours and light and sound. He drifted along with no purpose but to stay in the light, away from the dark corners that were creeping towards him. Arthur was there. And Kathie. One minute they would pull him away from the dark corners; and the next they would push him towards them with a comforting hand. He didn't know what to do, Arthur was confused and scared. Kathie just stood there, staring blankly into him, but soon, it changed; she changed.

Her eyes were still there, boring into him, blank and lifeless but the face that held them changed. It morphed and moulded. For a minute Merlin thought it was still Kathie; but there was something different about her. She was crying. She was older; but not by much, only about nineteen; she wasn't Kathie anymore. She was her mother, Vivienne, at the last moment Merlin had seen her.

'Vivienne,' Merlin whispered.

She nodded.

Merlin stretched out his hand towards her, but every time he got close she would drift further away like magnets repelling, and he couldn't touch her. 'Vivienne, come back. Please! Don't leave me?' but she was going, she was fading, getting paler and paler and all the time drifting further and further into the deep, thick, dense darkness that would soon swallow her up. At that moment Merlin didn't want to dream anymore, he didn't want to live anymore. If he couldn't be with Vivienne then he couldn't be at all and he didn't want to be anymore. He moved purposely now, into the darkness that was creeping towards him and swallowing everything; he wanted it to swallow him too.

But then there was a voice behind him; 'I love you, you know,' Merlin turned. Arthur was still there, far, far away; just standing there. Merlin drifted back towards Arthur now, and they stood together for a moment before everything blurred into darkness and silence. Now there were just two faces closing in on him, then fading, then closing in again; Arthur's and Vivienne's. They looked worried, concerned and thoughtful.

Merlin opened his eyes and looked straight into Kathie's. But he still had Vivienne's faced burned into his eye lids. He couldn't look at Kathie; not just yet. He looked up to Arthur and Gaius talking again. Gaius nodded and walked over to a goblet on the table. He held up a rock and hit it with his knife until tiny grains of rock came away, into the goblet which fizzed slightly. Arthur and Gaius joined Kathie at the side of Merlin's bed and helped him to sit up.

'Merlin' Gaius said in his serious tone. 'Merlin, listen to me if you drink this you might be cured,' Merlin nodded. 'but you might die,' Gaius continued.

'Let's get this over with,' Merlin replied, as he took Arthur's hand and, with the other, drank the liquid. Kathie had taken a few steps backwards, she was scared of what was going to happen.

Immediately he started coughing and spluttering but he didn't spit out the potion. He swallowed it with a heavy gulp; Kathie could see it travel down his throat. There was a silence so tense and worried it turned cold and hard. After a few moments Merlin's eyes rolled back into his head and Arthur squeezed his hand tight, scrunched his eyes closed and one last tear came free of his lashes. Gaius looked worried and lifted Merlin's eyelids, checking for life.

'Leave him,' Arthur demanded, emotion clogging his princely tone. 'Let him go in peace,'

'No, no,' he's not dying, he's not dead!' Kathie ran forwards and put her palms on Merlin's cheeks. 'He's not dead, he's breathing,' she was right, slight breathes escaped Merlin's lips.

'He won't for much longer,' Gaius warned them gravely.

'Stay here,' Kathie said desperately. 'Daddy stay here, stay with me! Please! We just found each other, you can't leave me! You're the last one, without you I have nobody.' She faltered on the last word as she realised that now she was alone in the world. 'stay here, stay here. Come on, open your eyes! Father, come on!' she carried on like this for another five minutes.

Arthur was still looking at Merlin's hand in his own, it slackened slightly. Arthur looked up. 'Merlin, Merlin I love you,' he said again and again. 'I love you, I'm not leaving you! I came back, I always came back, now it's your turn. Come back Merlin. Come back to me! We're not letting go of you now, not after this. Merlin I love you. I love you. I love you…'

Merlin couldn't hear any more and the final thought that passed through his mind that night was that he would see Vivienne again. But he didn't.

He didn't because Vivienne was dead, and you only ever saw the dead when you joined them; and Merlin wasn't going to do that just yet.

It took him another week to regain consciousness. But that week was a week of despair in Camelot. It seemed as if Merlin was linked to the weather and fate of the city. There was no sunshine, just black, black clouds and thunder and lightening. Uther a;so received the news that one of Camelot's many food reserves had dried up three weeks before it was supposed to. And Gwen lost the necklace given to her by her mother on her deathbed. Arthur didn't leave Merlin's body; even after it stopped breathing. He stayed there and held Merlin's hand and rested his head over Merlin's chest. He had to get up once a day to change and tell his father that he still didn't feel well enough to do any duties. Gaius had told Uther that Arthur had had influenza. Every time he left he would kiss each of Merlin's cold, limp fingers, kiss his forehead and then promise the lifeless body that he would return soon. Which he did.

Kathie sat in a corner of Gaius' chamber and didn't move, she didn't blink, she didn't fiddle with anything as she might have done. Her eyes were gold, and they never changed colour but she didn't care bout hiding them from Arthur. She didn't care about anything any more.


	6. Feeling

The moon shone brightly and sat, buried deep in the blue velvet sky. The stars were like a thousand candles, glittering and sparking in the night. Kathie leant against the door of her room and stared as blankly as she had done the past days. Her eyes got darker and darker as the days went on; Gaius thought they were almost entirely blue again. Her face had no emotion, her eyes no spark of life; her heart beat pulsed rhythmically, it was the only thing that made her feel alive.

Every so often; she would wince as a stab of pain that was not her own shot through her body; courtesy of Arthur Pendragon.

Arthur took to the forest, he found a new tree each day and practised every single one of his combat moves again and again with perfect precision. Small chunks of wood scattered the ground around the tree, shredded and hopeless. One day when he found it wasn't enough to care and shatter the wood of a tree he rolled up his sleeve and picked up his sword. He pressed the flat of the blade against the flesh of his skin, pressing it harder and harder, deeper until one bead of blood stained the metal of his sword and he pulled the blade away.

_It doesn't hurt._ Kathie looked up, sharply. She hadn't been expecting that, she hadn't heard words that were not her own inside her head for days now. But the voice continued and Kathie knew exactly whose voice it was. _Why doesn't it hurt? What's wrong with me? What can I do to make it hurt? There has to be something._

Kathie stood up immediately and ran from the room. She ran straight past Gaius, ignoring whatever he said about slowing down and she ran through the castle. As she made sure she didn't topple anything over she didn't notice the body of her father. The fingers twitched slightly; but only for a second. Out in the courtyard it was more difficult to run since it was market day and the whole city was buzzing.

How could a place buzz like it was full of happy, industrious bees when the glue that kept them altogether was gone? When the heart and soul of everybody who knew him had laid his head down and not lifted it again? As soon as Kathie had a clear path in front of her she ran through the gates and out of the city. She kept running, faster and faster, feeling the wind catch in her hair and clothes and try to tug her back but she ignored it and fought against it until it gave up and freed her from its clutches.

When Kathie reached the trees she closed her eyes and listened hard, until she could hear breathing from the very middle of the forest; so she made her way through the trees, listening the whole time until she found Arthur knelt on the ground with his sword tossed aside. The ground was a mixture of the brown of the earth and pure, deep red of Arthur's royal blood. When he couldn't feel the first one he cut himself again and again. His arms, his hands, his fingers, they all bled but nothing reached him.

She came up beside him and knelt down. Arthur knew it was her but didn't look up. 'Why can't I feel it?' he asked desperately. 'Tell me. I need to know why I can't feel it.'

'…I don't know,' she said honestly.

'I miss him; he was my best friend you know, my only _real_ friend,'

'I know,' was all she said. Kathie leant back against a tree and Arthur did the same. He put his head on Kathie's shoulder and she grabbed his hair and held it tight. If he could feel anything this would have hurt Arthur because she was stretching the fibres of his hair away from his head and knotting her fingers in them.

After a long silence Kathie cleared her throat and broke the quiet and the peace. 'Why did you do it? I can see most things; I can read most people and know why they do things but this…this I cannot understand.'

'I had to feel something and I thought I would. But the first time, I felt nothing; there's part of me inside screaming out from the pain but a pillow's been shoved on top of it and nobody can hear the screams. And after that; I was drowning in the blood leaking from my arm and I wanted to see if any more would come pouring out. And it did.'

Kathie put her arms round him and squeezed him tight; hoping to bring what small comfort she could to him. Arthur turned his face towards her body and kissed her shoulder softly. Immediately Kathie became rigid and stiff where she sat. Her arms became loose and she stared down at him.

'Who are you?' she asked, incredulously.

'What?'

'That's it, that's the reason.'

'What? The reason for what?' asked Arthur, confused.

Kathie threw Arthur's arms off herself and scrambled up from the ground 'That's why I can't read you, why I can't understand these things you're doing. Because there's no _you_ left in there; Arthur left this earth when Merlin did. And this is what's replaced him, not a man but a boy. A child drowning in his own misery who has already forgotten the love of his life and moved on to that man's dau-sister!'

'Kathie, I'm sorry,'

'I don't want to hear it!' Kathie snapped and ran to a tree, resting her back on it, facing away from Arthur. 'I don't want to see you!'

'Listen Kathie, don't say anything for a moment, just listen to what I have to say.'

Kathie fidgeted but didn't move any further away.

Arthur took hold of his arm while he spoke, pressing his fingers into his own blood. 'I knew; both Merlin and I knew that we were going to lose each other soon enough. My father would force me to marry somebody at sometime. It just came a bit earlier than I thought and I wasn't prepared for it; I'm still trying to get used to not seeing him in my chambers every morning, not hearing him call me a prat or hearing him laugh every day. And…I don't know. I…I guess it was just that you are so like him. You have no idea how much you are the same, you have the same eyes, same face, everything about you resembles Merlin and I suppose it was just that I was so desperate to hold on to any small part of him that I tried to hold onto you.'

Kathie turned back round to face Arthur, angry tears in her eyes; 'But how would he feel if he knew?' she challenged. 'What would he say if he knew that you and I were…' she trailed off. 'It wouldn't work Arthur, it could never work. You would, we both would always have Merlin's face in the back of our minds and we would always feel guilty. You know we would.'

'But wouldn't Merlin want us both to be as happy as we could be? Wouldn't he want us to be together if it would make us happy?'

'Don't ask me.' She frowned, her whole demeanour crumpling. 'Don't make me answer for him because I don't know what he would say.'

Arthur reached forwards and tipped up Kathie's chin. He leaned forward and kissed her delicately on the lips. The kiss could have lasted a few seconds, it could have been hours. Neither of them knew which. When he pulled away Arthur pulled Kathie's small frame to his large, strong chest. Kathie closed her eyes and felt safe and protected in Arthur's arms and she wondered if this was how Merlin had felt when Arthur had held him.

And suddenly, there it was, wringing inside her head. _What's going on? I can't be alive, because Arthur and Kathie aren't here. But I can't be dead because of the same reasons. If I was dead I would see the ones I loved, wouldn't I?_

Kathie pulled away again immediately, she turned and ran away from Arthur. Back through the forest, back to Camelot.

Arthur called after her; 'Where are you going?'

Kathie turned to face him with the most enormous smile plastered over her face, tears still staining her cheeks. 'To see my Father!' she called back, before she continued running through the trees.


	7. Finis

Kathie burst through the door into Gaius' chambers out of breath and a little flushed. Her eyes were glittering as they had never done before and they went straight to the bed where Merlin had lain supposedly dead for weeks but who now sat up and smiled at her like nothing had ever happened. 'Father?' she breathed. 'Merlin? Is it really you?'

He nodded and she rushed to his side in a moment. She pulled him tight against her chest and felt him chuckle slightly.

'I can't believe it's you,' she said.

'Why, how long have I been gone?' he asked, more than a little confused.

'Weeks,' Kathie told him.

'Tell me everything' he said bluntly.

Kathie sat down to tell Merlin all about how Arthur wouldn't lead his side and how she had sit there and watched him day in day out and finally, how she had come across Arthur in the woods and what he was doing to himself. Merlin's face began to look worried, and then concerned and finally slid to fear as Arthur stood in the doorway.

'We need to talk,' Merlin said to him.

'Couldn't agree more,' Arthur replied.

Kathie got up and moved towards the door.

'No,' Arthur called her back 'I want you to stay,'

Kathie returned to Merlin's side and took his hand.

'Kathie's' Merlin began, 'Kathie's not my sister,'

'She's your daughter, I know,'

'How did you know?' Merlin and Kathie said together, incredulous.

'Because, for the last weeks you've been calling him 'Father' and 'Daddy', it's a big giveaway' Arthur said simply to Kathie.

Merlin looked pointedly at Kathie, 'Sorry,' she said, innocently, 'I didn't realise. Hang on, I only called him that in my thoughts, so does that mean that everything I thought was going on in my head was actually going out of my mouth?'

'Yes,'

'Ah, sorry,'

'Not a problem,' Arthur said dismissively.

'But there's something else you need to know,' Merlin.

'Wait a moment, there's something I want to know before you tell me what I need to know,' Arthur ordered. 'Merlin, you're 22? 23? And Kathie, you're 15? How does that work? You couldn't have fathered her at 8 years old.'

'I didn't. Arthur,' Merlin gritted his teeth and held Kathie's hand for support 'I'm a warlock, and I haven't aged since I was 22. I was eighteen when Kathie was born and her mother left me four years later.' Merlin's eyes were getting slightly wet. 'Vivienne said she could stay with me, even though I was a warlock because she loved me. But when she noticed I wasn't ageing, or growing or anything, she said that she couldn't. She wanted to grow old with her love and stay with that person forever, and she couldn't do that with me.'

Arthur looked away, he couldn't look into Merlin's eyes anymore, they were so deep and scared and worried.

'"Think of the child" she said "Think what this will do to her when she realises that she is physically the same age as, or older than her father. I'm not going to do that to our daughter Merlin" I asked her, I begged her to stay, but she wouldn't.

'It wasn't just a summer fling like your grandmother said, Kathie,' Merlin continued. 'I need you to know that. And Arthur, look at me, please,' Arthur looked up to see Kathie's eyes glowing golden as they never had before and Merlin's own eyes, a power of their own far beyond Merlin's magic, shining in front of him, silently asking for forgiveness. 'Arthur you have to understand that I loved Vivienne. I always have and I always will, she was my soul mate; she was so much more to me than anything. We really loved each other; I would travel to the end of the earth to see her again. But then I met you' Merlin took Arthur's hand and turned it, palm up, holding it tightly 'and you were, arrogant and moody. You were so prattish and charming; sweet and insecure all at the same time. And I saw some of the qualities of Vivienne in you. And I love you Arthur. Not just because you remind me of her but because you are brave and strong and compassionate; and I want to spend the rest of your life with you. If you'll let me,'

Silence.

Kathie looked eagerly from one to the other. She watched, nervously as Arthur stood and looked down at Merlin.

'I should have you killed,' he muttered in disgust. 'I should kill you myself' Arthur brought his hand down as if to slap Merlin's face; Merlin flinched. But instead he took Merlin's face in his hands, bent down and kissed him gently and desperately. 'But I can't, I love you too much; and I can't help that, I've missed you so much Merlin,'

Arthur turned and left. Merlin sat back in his seat with a goofy grin on his face, happy, at last, that everything would be perfect. At least for a while.


End file.
